SHE LET GO OF MY HAND

YOUR LOVE WILL REFLECT IN THEIR LIVES FOREVER

To My Children:

Mom wrote those words to me many years ago…and I believe they have proven true. Both mom and I have loved you kids dearly and we already see that love reflected in your lives. You all were very loved growing up. We had many good times, fun times…with laughing and playfulness. That’s very important to remember. You kids have been shaped well by our love.

To be clear, there was never some Master Plan that mom and dad would meet, fall in love, have you three children and then get divorced…just to mess up your lives. Generally, that’s not how life unfolds. Unfortunately, at this time in our society it’s simply more acceptable for people to bail on their marriage relationships when things get difficult. It really is hard to stick together "in sickness and in health." You each have friends whose parents are divorced…it’s just a thing that is more common these days…you kids have simply experienced that part of life through your parents. I’m sure it probably wasn’t fun to live through—seeing your parents disagree and legally fight—hey, it wasn’t fun for us either!

I threw you all a life preserver before the major waves of divorce crashed over our family…I told you to simply FLOAT through the process…to love on mom, love on dad and to not choose sides while you let the waters simply wash over you. I’m sure you held your breath at times…me, too…waiting for the turbulent waves to return to calmer waters. For the most part, you all have survived. You might even be a little stronger in your upper body muscles from having maneuvered through some crazy times, but…you’ve survived. The waters are calmer now…you can relax.

You three are NOT damaged goods. Your past does not dictate your future, unless you let it do so. You would be wise to take the opportunity to process your thoughts and feelings with a therapist…to get a different perspective and acquire some helpful emotional tools to better understand and deal with your childhood remembrances of mom and dad’s divorce. If you don’t do this, you probably will carry around a lot of emotional baggage for quite awhile…and mom and I don’t want that for you. Explore the concept that forgiveness opens a doorway to peace. Then, walk through that doorway and continue your own journey…knowing you have our love and blessings.

Your mother and I had a very long run of growing up together. We did LIFE and LOVE together, as partners. We lived life similarly to how you will…one experience at a time. And in so doing, we created history together…OUR history and shared life events. Our schooling, our home purchases, our having each of you, our times of crazy…the all of it. There is no absolute right or wrong version of our story—WE were and therefore YOU are. Mom and I often spoke of how blessed we were to have you three ‘golden gum balls’…those gum balls are unique in color and more rarely dispensed in the rolling vending machines.

Kids, I’ve found that the struggles we go through in this lifetime help to make us who we are. The physical and emotional scars we wear are merely testaments to the battles we’ve gone through…and survived—indeed, proof that we are still alive. By learning to live with your whole heart…and accepting the risks that go along with the rewards…you will come to know your own worthiness. I’ve lived, am scarred and I know my worthiness. This knowledge has allowed me to endure all types of accusations when I knew they weren’t true…to endure many kinds of verbal assaults from those closest to me and from those who didn’t know me at all. Each of you were purposefully brought into the world by two people who loved each other very much. While mom and I weren’t perfect, we loved you bunches and did the best that we could.

Each of you are gentle, loving and tender-hearted. Your hearts will become further educated in compassion through your relationships with others. I hope you remain open to experiencing love and marriage. I wish for each of you to love deeply and passionately. It’s wonderful…yet, scary…but there’s no other way to know that part of life. You will most definitely experience hurts and losses within various relationships…again, that’s how life works. Embrace the hurts, accept the scars and then move on.

There will be times in the future when you become aware of softly humming to yourself…in the mindless moments alone in your room, a shower or the car. Your mom used to do that, too…and your dad found comfort in those sweet expressions of her inner happiness. Let those moments be a remembrance that you carry our love in your heart… and you will always be all right…no matter what.

I love you Eliana…I love you Noelle…I love you Mark,

Dad